Dearest Nick

Today you would have been sixty!

I try not to think about how we would have celebrated it had you lived. I would have booked a surprise something – a trip to Paris, like your 50th – or 60 presents! I would have thought of something to give you a day to remember, but thinking like this is like torturing myself or picking at a scab that doesn’t heal.

Instead I’m going to celebrate the wonderful 56 years you WERE here. From the young page boy at your sister’s wedding:-

To a favourite memory of you snoozing in the sunshine on a skiing holiday.

You were always hands on, be it building a snowman…

 or a climbing frame when the kids were little…

having fun putting up a wind break while camping in Cornwall…

or at the family BBQ.

A family walk was a favourite pastime, where you would lead us off the path and we would blindly follow, once ending up climbing a sheer cliff face through trees hoisting the children and dog along with us!

You were always so proud of our three…

You and I had fun too – dressing up for functions…

snatched adventures abroad…

or fun with friends…

You were so big hearted. You kept us safe and guided us all through whatever life threw at us. It is only now you have gone that I realise just how much you held us together. How you cradled my heart in your hands and always put your family first, with me top of the list. I was special to you and you to me, I miss that very much. Even within our relationship we both allowed each other the freedom to grow and pursue our own interests but always made sure we were connected to each other.

You were my person I could just ‘do nothing’ with, the one I was always glad to be going home to at the end of the day. Not many couples know how wonderful this feels. I was blessed to be part of it.

You were such a fantastic dad, always having an abundance of the two things I think are fundamental to parenting – unconditional love and time to listen. It is a testimony to you that our three have become such well rounded, caring young people.

I miss our life together…

but I have to keep pushing forward. I have to make a new start, meet new people, explore new areas, make new memories if I am to live properly again. With that in mind I’ve sold our home and am moving to a completely new part of England. My new home has the most fantastic views. I’ve always loved a view! The feeling of space and freedom it gives me is liberating. The garden wraps around the house so I will be able to watch the sun come up and then enjoy the last of its rays from my bed as it says goodnight.

The house is near the canal system so I’m hoping in time, to buy a narrow boat and potter along, when and where the fancy takes me. There’s a whole new world out there to learn about – I’m sure I’ll find someone willing to give me the benefit of their boating knowledge!

I still intend to perfect my surfing technique…

keep cycling and have more adventures, travelling as soon as the world opens up, but as a good friend keeps reminding me, NOW is the time to enjoy life and have fun…

You will always be tucked in my heart, Nick, but I’m going to get out there and live this life for the both of us. It is exciting to be starting something new… who knows where it will take me…

Wish me luck.

Happy birthday my darling…

my love always,

Teresa x