As well as posting my adventures as long haul cabin crew in the form of Suzi, (Love, Suzi x) I’m going to update you with my recent adventures. This is an excerpt of a book I’m writing called From London to Lewes about how my family and I relocated, renovated and changed our lives.

This is our story:-

After a lifetime of London living, an urban family, used to the conveniences of the city try adapting to life in the country. Where on earth do we think of moving to and how insane are we to even consider it?

Monday morning. 7 o’clock. One hour before the kitchen is completely dismantled, children dispatched to school, animals fed and watered and computer turned on.

Bye bye old…

Best not to panic. Just make tea, shower and apply lippy in case Gerard Butler is moonlighting as a brickie, doing the school run or walking his dogs in the local woods. If I’m lucky the plumber will finally turn up – I cleared out my wardrobe for him three days ago. If I was sensible I could have  used it as a time to sort and chuck out, whilst listening to any of the three radios blaring out around the house but instead I retreated to the only room left that is untouched by dusty hands – the bathroom. Sitting on the floor reading the paper with a coffee smacks of desperation, fortunately the roofers can’t see me and if I plug into my iPod, I won’t be able to hear them. Sadly Gerard must have been busy today as I didn’t meet him on my way to the bank, but there’s always tomorrow.

Hello new!

Kitchen when we’d finished

Yesterday I performed Strictly Come Car Dancing with the portaloo maintenance man. I have become pretty adept at manoeuvring around the various tradesmen’s vehicles in our efforts to jostle for position on the lawn but this was a first. All that was missing were the judges and Bruce to rate our moves. The portaloo has remained determinedly resolute throughout all the chaos. Skips may come and go, lorries dump and run but the ‘turdis’ has stood proudly on the drive, taking it all its stride even when it was abused by rubble battering is side, in its effort to perform a vital service.  Even during a lull in the building works when I dared to question the merits of its presence and there was a hint that it might be made redundant, it weathered the storm stoically. Now, after meeting its carer I know its needs are being met and it is fit for purpose.

Never underestimate the merits of a ‘turdis’ with numerous builders on site.

 The builders took pity on me and offered to make me a cup of tea. Just a cup though, no Tesco value biscuits with it. In a dastardly attempt to keep them on my side I’ve been plying then intermittently with a Variety biscuit selection – value, of course. It must have been the steam issuing from my ears after I was verbally abused in the local woods whilst walking the dog that caused them to be kind. I’m not very good when taken by surprise and accosted with ‘you selfish sh… .’  , by another woman just because my dog barked at her. And yes, if I could rewind, what a retort I would have given her! But it did come in handy later when someone at the station backed into my car as I was parked and kissing my daughter goodbye for school. As I got out to inspect the damage, asking the other driver in a questioning voice ‘just what do you think you’re doing?’ the sight of her welling up made me stop and think. So instead I  asked her if she was feeling alright. Now, either she’s on for an Oscar for her performance or I was right to follow my gut instinct when she replied that she was on the way to the GP’s as she wasn’t feeling well. Ok, M-U-G might be written across my forehead but there was no damage to my car as the bumper took it all and isn’t life to short to get wound up when someone isn’t functioning properly? So after making sure she had calmed down and was feeling a bit better I waited for her to go on her way. I’ve been there – hormones have a lot to answer for!

Teresa x

Wait a while and you will see the new orangerie and kitchen here.

LOVE, SUZI x – letters from a long haul stewardess. My latest book is now available from Amazon as a paperback or ebook.